Clive Palmer You’re The Best!

Dear Mr. Palmer,

I wanted to write to you and tell you about a game I had recently at the Palmer Coolum Resort. Here’s the story…

I live locally but don’t play much these days, but when a mate of mine turned up out-of-the-blue we decided to have a hit. It was a spur of the moment thing because,

1. I didn’t know Old Mate was visiting
2. The weather was meant to be wet but it was a perfect morning.

Don’t you just love our weather here?

Now to find a venue.

I was going to call Palmer Resort right away but have heard around the traps your course had gone to the dogs. I have played there before, but not for about a year. Seems you’ve upset a few of the locals.

So I called another course. No joy. In fact, they didn’t answer the phone and never called back (despite saying they would in their voicemail). This sort of poor service has become part and parcel of living in paradise. It’s something I’m getting used to.

Onward.

I figured your golf course couldn’t be that bad and gave you a tingle. Now your proshop guy wasn’t overly friendly, he probably needs a personality transplant at some point, but at least he answered the phone. I was also disappointed to learn that you no longer have a “local” rate and we’d have to pay full price.

Whatever! I couldn’t be bothered ringing around and your price does include the use of a motorised cart – so $98 per person isn’t too much.

Proshop guy gave us a time of 9.20am. We actually wanted something a bit later but were told that this was the last spot available in the morning. Again, we were in no position to argue because this was a rush job and by now both keen to get outside and swing the sticks.

I’m not sure what the 9.20am thing was all about. When we got there the place was dead quiet. And I’m not kidding, there was nobody around. We could have hit off at any time and not bothered a soul.

Mr Proshop took our money and sent us on our way. After all the rushing around we arrived at the first tee right on 9.20am.

I’ve played all over the world and am still a member of a well known (and fairly exclusive) Melbourne sandbelt club. To be honest, I’m a bit of a golf snob these days and like playing the best courses around. Let me cut to the chase …

Clive Palmer, your course was in excellent condition.

It was way better than good. The tees and fairways were immaculate and the greens superb. Other than maybe a handful of times, I don’t think I’ve seen a better presented course.

So this letter is a way of a thank you. Again, some locals are saying some nasty things about you – how you’re running the place into the ground and sacking all of the staff. While some of the facilities look a bit run down, the golf course is just brilliant. Don’t know what all these people are complaining about.

And Old Mate and I just couldn’t believe it. A fantastic golf course, awesome weather and we had the place to ourselves.

If this course was anywhere else in the world I’m sure it would be pumping. You’d have to queue up and be paying a lot more for the privilege.

Not sure how you’re able to keep the place so quiet, but whatever you’re doing, please keep doing it. When I’m looking for my next game I’ll give you a call. It’s fantastic to have a Championship course all to oneself.

Just in case you were in Canberra last Friday, I have included a photo from the car park. This was taken at 12pm, just after finishing one of the most enjoyable golf games I’ve had. You might be able to spot the only car on the right-hand-side.

Where is everybody?

Best wishes and thanks again,

Cameron